St. Patrick’s Day

This is by far my favorite non-gift giving holiday. This is a day where the Irish [and other people who like to drink as much as the Irish] proudly support their local pub. This is also a day where people, from as far as the eye can see, wear ungodly amounts of green. This is seen as a lucky charm of sorts that protects the wearer from pinching abuse. Being one with Irish blood running through me veins I will also be seen sporting a lovely shade of green on every article of clothing that I may possibly wear during the day. I’m even going as far as to wear a charming jingle shamrock necklace- an heirloom that was passed down to me the moment my mother bought it from the store.

Aside from all the festivities that such a glorious day could provide I come bearing sad news concerning the population of leprechauns. Apparently after last year’s celebration of the rich little men known as the Leprechaun Games, the mass of their civilization has been reduced from over 1.7 billion to 2. Last year’s festivities included the ‘Shamrock Shock’ [a popular new game involving tazers], ‘Four-Leaf Frenzy’ [a game in which the players had to search for a four-leaf clover while being chase by real wild boars], and of course the crowd favorite ‘Beer Pong’ [a game that created the most casualties for the once lucky men].

The only two surviving fellows included Lucky, commonly seen on television commercials supporting his love of sugary children’s cereal. He’s also seen as a fitness advocate whose favorite athletic pastime includes running from rabid children. The other leprechaun survivor was Lucky’s younger brother- Moose- who has recently been in a drunk driving accident and has henceforth been disowned for his disreputable behavior and for stealing Lucky’s last box of ‘Charms’.

Sadly due to the underwhelming response made by these two hoarders of gold, the Leprechaun Game that was scheduled for tomorrow evening [7:00 sharp 7:30 if you had to stop by the pub] at Lucky’s house [Apt. 3A on Me Lucky Charms Road] has been canceled. Any complaints can be directed to 555-#### or you can text ‘On with LGames’ to *****.

[See you there!]

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